Obscure Athletes

Where the 15 Minutes of Fame Never End

The Houston Texans are Hereby Excommunicated by the Folks at OA

Alright Texans, listen. I can get down with the fact that the NFL decided to award the Oilers-vacated Houston metropolitan area, instead of Los Angeles, with the league’s 32nd franchise. I can overlook the Charley Casserly hiring in January of 2000 as a simple misstep in the personnel department (though he’s now an insufferable CBS analyst.) I’ll try and forget the fact that you picked Tony

"THIS is the Texans year I tell ya!" To quote Happy Gilmore "There's just one problem. You're not any GOOD!"

Boselli in the expansion draft, only to never see him suit up for a game in a Texans uniform. I’ll even completely disregard how you started a franchise with Dom Capers as it’s head coach, only to replace him with possibly the most unremarkable head coach in the NFL today (Gary Kubiak is currently 33-33 as the Texans’ head coach) I’ll even forget entirely your selection of David Carr with the team’s first ever draft pick, and the bloodbath in the Houston backfield that ensued.  But with this week in the NFL over, I feel it necessary to ask, in fact beg one thing of the Houston Texans: PLEASE quit being so mediocre and irrelevant year after year, and good God, can analysts PLEASE stop telling me every year “Watch out for the Texans this year, I think this is the season they finally get over that hump and make the playoffs.” You don’t have to watch out for the Texans. They just plain haven’t become the relevant franchise that ESPN so desperately wants them to be, what with their position within the third largest media market in the US. They can’t beat the Colts.  And I’m sick of hearing about them.

The Texans lost in Jacksonville on Sunday, pushing their record to an unimpressive 4-5. But

Are these guys even serious?

 more than just their loss, was the manner in which they fell to the Jaguars. It was on a David Garrard hail mary touchdown pass just as the clock was expiring, and Texans DB Glover Quinn was the one who batted the Garrard heave right into the arms of Jaguars receiver Mike Thomas.

Listen, Houston. Shape up. Quit being so mediocre, and maybe Obscure Athletes will once again recognise your existence. Until then, OA will have nothing to do with such an average sports organization.  Win some games. Your alltime win-loss record is 53-84. Glendon Rusch has a similar winning percentage. What are ya doin here? And hey, if all else fails and you still want some serious ESPN coverage, hire Bret Favre.


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